Snow White Samara

The woman at the Goodwill told me this is Snow White:



She said there were seven dwarves and someone bought all of those. I was quite displeased that I missed out on the chance to horribly alter a bunch of dwarves, but I bought her anyway. She's ceramic and appears to have been in someone's yard, as her hollow insides contained potting soil and spider webs before I cleaned her up.

I'm still making the most of that Krylon white primer I found in my garage. It is the greatest discovery I have ever made -- this shit is the bomb. Great coverage and a nice powdery matte finish. I was so excited that I ran to Home Depot and bought three more cans just so I'm never out of it again.

After the primer I painted her up with acrylic to look dead and waterlogged sort of like the Japanese girl-ghosts that are All The Rage, with a wet muddy hemline and a gray wash over her face. Three coats of poly and here she is:





Everyone asks what I'm going to put in her lap there where she's holding up her apron. The problem is that it slopes, so anything I put there falls right out and I would have to glue it on for it to stay. I can't think of anything good enough to commit to right now, and I think it's kind of creepier that there's nothing in it, so I'm leaving it for now.

I'm still working on the log cabin blanket made from all my leftover acrylic yarn, and it gets more hideous by the day. I'm also in the middle of a painting for a friend of my brother and I'll get that up here when I finish. Today I was pleased to find actual "before" photos of it in flickr. Yay me!

Xmas in March

The problem with not being able to give Zeppo her Xmas present until March is that I have to hide the photos and not post anything on here that she might see. On top of that my memory is shit, so it took me weeks to find the photos.

Anyway, I found an old breadbox at the Goodwill and sanded it down in order to do this to it (with apologies to Sailor Jerry):





Here's a close up of the knob:


Awww! It's a tiny dagger!

I think that's it for leftover projects. I'll try to stay more on top of this thing so I don't have another 6 month gap, but I'm not promising anything. As my friend Wilson says, I can't promise I'll try, but I promise I'll try to try.

Two More Updates

First, here is the brown log cabin blanket I gave my friend because she made the mistake of admiring it:

I am now working on what may be my final log cabin blanket. I'm using every single leftover ball of Cheap'N'Shitty acrylic yarn I have in the stash, and I've gotten so tired of these blankets that I'm not even bothering to change colors when I start a new 10 row stripe. This thing is an affront to God.

Speaking of affronts to God, remember Zahgurim?

I gave him to my friend for his band practice space. Update: Zahgurim quite literally broke up the band. I am not making this up. Turns out the drummer was secretly religious (incidentally, this is a death metal band...) and he decided he didn't like my demon even one little bit. He threw it across the room breaking off the skull (no biggie, I gave my friend some E6000 to repair it with) and my two friends in the band laid into the guy. Band Over. I apologized for inadvertently Yoko-ing the shit out of their band, but they say it was about time that guy left anyway.

My artwork has scary powers, folks. I've decided to give Frankenstein Jr. to my tattoo guy but I'm kind of afraid his shop will fold. Wish me luck.

Don't Call it a Comeback

As Lori helpfully pointed out, it's been a while since I posted anything. I was going to try to justify it by saying how busy I've been, but there's really no excuse for not posting anything since SEPTEMBER. So let's backtrack by starting with what I just finished two days ago.

Here's what he looked like when I found him at the junk store:



And here's what I did to him:



Here's a close up of his face:


I found this great can of spray primer in my garage and used it liberally after some light sanding. Then I painted him with regular old acrylic paint and two coats of poly. Also I rammed some nails into his neck for "realism." Beauty is pain, little man.

I don't think I've posted this painting yet. It started off like this:


It ended up like this:

This is a small painting, only 9 1/2 x 7 1/2 inches, so I don't know if you can tell, but that poor man hung himself from the tree. I tried to talk him out of it.

I'm tearing up my Flickr account looking for photos of the bread box I gave Zeppo for Xmas. I'm very distressed to find that I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY. Sweet shit, I cannot be trusted to do ANYTHING. I'm going to look for photos at home, which I probably do not have, and then I will demand that she give it back temporarily so I can shoot it. In the meantime, here's a photo of the baby head I have mounted on one of my cymbals:

You will of course recognize Damien from his distinctive "666" birthmark.

I'll be back later when I've rounded up more photos. If that's okay with Lori.

Puke Blanket

Oh wait, I DID take photos of the Puke Blanket! I was just hiding them in case Zeppo stumbled across my Flickr account before I could hand it over.

How pukey is this:

(That's a regular 12-inch ruler on top of it.) My craft group debated how much of it was puke and how much was diarrhea, and there's also some Pepto Pink in there. So someone suggested it's just one combined bad night at the buffet. That seems accurate.

I've started another log cabin blanket with all browns that a girl in my knitting group has laid claim to. She is welcome to have it, as the magic of the Log Cabin blankets is starting to fade. But I'm burning through hella stash.

One final note: I'm giving the demon Zahgurim to my friends to keep in their band practice space. I think he might help them with their evil death metal music. Or kill them. We'll just have to see how it shakes out.

Last Two

Aaah, the serenity of your own (12 1/2" x 14 1/2") log cabin:

As long as it doesn't turn out to be, as my friend Eddie put it, "a place of agony and death:"

Oops! Next time read your Camp Crystal Lake rental contract a little more carefully. Close up:

I will be really surprised if Lee wants this next one for her shop. And to be honest, I'm kind of attached to it. Here's our little Peruvian friend before the holocaust (22"x18"):

And here he is after:

Yup, he's feeling a little zombified. And I don't want to know what he plans to do with those puppies.

In other news, I knit one of those log-cabin blankets for my friend Zeppo using only the colors of puke, and failed to take any photos of it. How that happened I have no idea. Also I did one other painting, but it's a gift and I can't reveal it yet, even though it's kind of rad and I want to. I CAN'T. So that's it for now. As you were.

Finally Some More Paintings

I finally managed to get some work done on these paintings. Here's a lovely mountainscape (9"x11"):


right before the aliens took it over:

Close up:

This hideous beach (12 1/2" x 17"):

...somehow managed to get even worse, perhaps because I removed the giant chocolate chip cookies from the shoreline:

I guess they were eating them.

And once again I failed to take a before shot of this one (8 3/4" x 10 1/4"), but I only added the car:

Close up:

Two more in the next post....